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written by F1DL5TYX

Not the hero you deserve OR the hero you need, but he’s the guy they put on the roster


DE Jim Jeffcoat DAL

Jim is not good. Hell he’s not even ok. He isn’t rock bottom though and that makes him the best option on the Dallas defense.

Jim is a stand-in here for every other crappy defensive end who sees a good amount of player-controlled action due to position, playing on a garbage squad, drone-help defensive strategy, or some combination of those factors.


Inducted as a trio:

2. WRs Mark Jackson DEN, Daryl Turner SEA, Bill Brooks IND

Each one of these guys is somehow worse than the guy who directly preceded him. Yet, they get their hands on more balls than your mama when Joe Pasta is around. This is because they run a nifty little out route that is probably the safest completion in the game.

Pro tip: throw a juke when the player defender closes in so you can get 2 yards after catch instead of one.

3. KR Albert Bentley IND

On paper, Bentley is one of the weakest specimens at the game-breaking kick returner position. Yet, it’s not rare for him to deposit the Indy offense at or past mid-field, which is great because that unit needs all the help it can get.

Is this because Bentley has a mysterious second sight granting him a glimpse into the weaknesses of the kick coverage? Or is it because he’s got two elite linemen clearing the way for him?

We’ll never know.



Special group induction:

Every top OLB not named Carl Banks or Wilber Marshall

Not a point of initial speed between them.

Not a man with better than rock-bottom top speed or acceleration.

Yet, these terrible bums are the one thing, the ONE THING, standing between decent folk and bozos wandering in off the street and dominating with Los Angeles.

In fact, just by virtue of poorly scripted blocking and the position they play, they are also responsible for making the Washington offense all but unplayable as well.

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